Five Decades, Now Flight
I love the language of celebration. If you scrolled through my social media feed prior to the Five Decades, Now Flight event on June 28, you’d have noticed this language and a theme of emerging. There was lots of chatter about all elements of the event, which was not only a milestone birthday celebration but an alcohol-free experience. The prompt for all of it came in January 2022: You’re turning 50 this year. How are you going to make it memorable?
A similar prompt came the year I was to turn 30 and 40. I quickly suppressed those thoughts. In June of my 30th year I had married. The highs of that followed by a honeymoon found me in a content, quiet season. In June of my 40th year I was experiencing stress and burnout due to an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. The lows of that undermined my self-love and landed me in a season of isolation. A decade later, having done so much work to be well, I assessed my situation at age 49.5 and in alignment with my 2022 #OneWord: nurture, determined that it was indeed time to celebrate.
The cultural themes around a celebration of this sort – ageism, comparison, audaciousness, egocentrism – are complex. Throwing a birthday party for yourself? How self-centered. Having all eyes on you? How attention-seeking. Being joyful while the society is in turmoil and suffering? How clueless and insensitive. I found that the best way to navigate them all was to focus on my intention and create connection for attendees. It certainly helped my introverted self step into visioning the event.
Butterflies
I always knew it would be about the butterflies. My pilgrimage to Mexico in February 2022 to witness the migration of Monarchs solidified that and informed the name: Five Decades, Now Flight. Five decades is an uplifting twist on fifty years that implies a significance around life stages and a look at milestone markers to gauge the forward momentum in our journey that anyone can embrace. The flight is specific to my story and where I feel I’m at right now after a whole lot of cocooning. Regardless of where anyone might land on the cocoon to flight spectrum, it’s worth knowing that it exists and that it ebbs and flows over a lifetime.
Katy Vernon, the evening’s performing artist, acknowledged the goo of the cocoon and the internal and often messy, uncomfortable work necessary to grow into purpose. She then debuted a song about it, Butterfly Fly, for all of us present. What a gift! “With your hand on your heart/ You will land when you start / With the wind at your back/ Your dreams are on track.” Katy is sober, too, and her lyrics and journey inspire me. Listen to a sampling on my Five Decades, Now Flight Spotify playlist.
Sober Not Somber
Woven into the evening of music was an experience I’ve been envisioning for quite some time: a #SoberNotSomber experience. To me this means a space where choosing not to drink alcohol for whatever reason is accepted and embraced. Alcohol is de-centralized or non-existent, and non-alcoholic options are respectable and plentiful and the ordering of them is easy and uplifting. At my event, I chose to make it a completely NA, or zero proof, experience featuring beverages by Cate Faulkner of Let’s Go Zero Proof.
#SoberNotSomber Caasters: I
Sarah Souder, friend and founder of Dissonance, an organization that exists to shatter the stigmas around mental health and addiction in and through the arts, welcomed guests and set the tone for the eve. Upon her intro, I shared the three-minute audition for a TED Talk I will be doing October 29, 2022 via TEDxEdina titled Normalizing Not Drinking. The full talk, which will fall in an 11-15 minute window, is currently in the works. The idea calls on society as a whole to become aware of alcohol abuse perpetuated by the social environments we create and move to de-centralize alcohol in those spaces.
Scattered around the event on tables were coasters from my Sober Not Somber series with quotes from my talk including:
1 “You can choose not to drink at whatever moment for whatever reason. Totally okay. No labels attached.”
2 “Let’s create a culture and social experiences where the question ‘why aren’t you drinking?’ isn’t even asked.”
3 “Half of Americans say they’d like to drink less or not at all. Is this you?”
4 “It is time – especially for women – to embrace a broader, more self-guided way to making alcohol-free choices.”
5 “Alcohol is inextricably tied to our social experiences. Uncouple the alcohol use and create new AF rituals.”
6 “It’s time to imagine and create healthier social spaces that decentralize alcohol and normalize not drinking.”
** Coaster sets are available for purchase at $10 for a set of 6. Direct message me to order.
The NA Bar
Guests were given four non-alcoholic options at the NA Bar to set on their coaster of choice: Pink Pomelo (Seedlip Citrus Grove pink grapefruit juice, unsweetened cranberry juice), White Cane Mojito (White Cane Spirit by Lyre’s, muddled mint leaves, fresh lime juice, Stevia sweetener, sparkling water), Noughty Sparkle (fermented and dealcoholized grapes from vineyards of Southern Spain with an apple aroma and Chardonnay-like richness), and Mom’s Root Beer (a Zevia produced ginger and root beer mix, Stevia-sweetened and topped with a bing cherry). The garnishes were glorious, the drink descriptions placed on the bar conveyed a visual appeal, and the low sugar, no to low calorie count made them unbelievably good. See the line-up here.
Anyone catching a glimpse into the celebration might have assumed we were all consuming alcohol, due to our socialized norms. Because of the real glassware and care in the crafting of these beverages, it looked like we were having a good time. These powerful social cues can apply whether or not there’s alcohol in our drink. This is why so many who don’t drink insist on respectable glassware and thoughtful non-alcoholic offerings. It makes a huge difference in the experience. No more sad sippy cups and Shirley Temples.
Zero Proof Collective
Better zero proof offerings and conversations around the experience for those who choose not to drink, was the igniting spark for Zero Proof Collective, which gathered first in May 2022, and was later founded by Cate Faulkner and me.. The Collective is for business leaders and those interested in the non-alcoholic industry to thoughtfully connect, collaborate, and share resources with the intent of advancing zero-proof options, experiences, and social spaces. It’s very timely given the rise of amazing non-alcoholic beverages and dealcoholizing technology, the massive growth of the sober curious movement, and younger generations who seek wellness-centric lifestyles and want more options in their social beverages.
I took a moment to take in the scene: guests enjoying nourishing eats of pizza, salad and charcuterie by EaTo, toasting with healthier drinks, and having conversation they could sharply recall the morning after. Perhaps the conversations were deeper due to a social experience many may not have had – an adult, evening birthday party without alcohol. In my eight years of sober experiences, I find that the conversations are more meaningful without the alcohol as the lubricant. Of course, I’ve had a lot of practice…
Bold Without (an alcoholic) Beverage
I am comfortable being alcohol-free in social settings, but it didn’t start out that way. I hope the event gave attendees more confidence to try some of my sober challenges and craft their own version of an answer to the question “Why aren’t you drinking?” (posted on tables all around the event). Or maybe it encouraged guests to consider doing bold things one may have thought one could only do in an altered state. I wore an incredibly decorative hat by the talented milliner, Angie Sandifer of Angie’s Hats; I danced in the daylight to Gwen Stefani; and shared my mini-TED Talk. BOLD in my book.
As I turn the page into a new decade, the world is in an Age of Aquarius with broken systems and injustice on so many levels. Our society demands that we each need to heal ourselves so we can step into our purpose and be a catalyst for change. It requires an abundance versus scarcity mindset and one of acceptance that translates into a willingness to be in hard conversations without judgment.
Acceptance + Gratitude
Specifically in my sobriety work, acceptance means being open to wherever anyone is at in their relationship with alcohol and view of it. Acceptance shows up every time I inquire about non-alcoholic options at a venue and am met with a blank stare. It comes into play when servers deliver a sub-par NA option with an apologetic look (some bartenders feel so bad they don’t even charge me). Acceptance allows me to move into a non-toxic conversation around these subjects that provide me with insight and the other party with empathy and a nudge to push for change.
I hope all in attendance experienced the positive energy and it changed the narrative around what’s possible in an adult alcohol-free social experience. For me, it most definitely was a memorable evening that gathered family, friends, business partners, and sober friends. Thanks to everyone involved as collaborator or guest – you accepted the invitation to inquiry and I’m grateful! Check out these amazing contributors who made it all possible:
@zeroproofmsp, NA Bar supporter; @letsgozeroproof, founder Cate Faulkner, host of NA Bar; @itsdissonance, (Dissonance), the non-profit receiving a portion of the night’s proceeds; @sarahansojo, Dissonance founder and emcee; @katyvernonmusic, Katy Vernon, Mpls St. Paul based singer songwriter; @belu.photography, photography; Melissa Ruebl and the team at @helloeato; @dragonflyeyeprods, videography; @eightmoonmsp, event printing and design: @lucent.blue,events, Michaella Holden, founder, event production; @angieshats, hat design; @bbshive, hairstyling; and @k8designs, make-up. …and the amazing volunteers who helped prep and worked the bar and event: Tess Hayes, Ava Gilhoi, Calvin Gilhoi, Shannon Ash, Norma Wolk, Debi McConnell, Callan Faulkner and the ModernWell team: Julie Burton (owner), Assandra Baysah, Alma Reinebach, Jocilyn Sorenson, and Janae Leibel.
